Happy Birthday Lori!

Today is my oldest sister and sibling's birthday. She would have been 43 this year. Lori died of Leukemia when she was 20, I was 2 and a half. As I was reminiscing today I decided to search the word "Lori" on my Judy family blog. I was surprised at how many posts showed up. One of which, was mine- in 2007 (before my Mom died) on Lori's 40th birthday. This is what I wrote:


I was just 2 and a half when Lori died... but I have a few memories of her. I remember I used to sleep with her at night in the Rainbow room. One night Rhett came in to tell me a scary story about Bigfoot that made me cry... she got really mad at him and told him to get out. I remember her cuddling with me and telling me everything was going to be alright.

She also taught me my numbers and colors... I don't remember much of that, just that purple was her favorite color, so it was mine too!

I remember being at her funeral... and being so confused. A few years later when I understood what had happened, I spent a lot of time crying and praying. Every night I would ask Heavenly Father to let Lori know how much I missed her. And I know He did. I have felt her presence many times in my life. Even though I did not get to know her that well during this life... I am so grateful that I have all the time in the world to get to know her in the next life. I feel like I have become so close with her since she has passed away. I know that she has held, cherished and loved these new babies that have come into our family. I felt her presence many times when I first had Macey... those memories are very dear to me.

I have a picture of Lori on our bookshelf in the front room... I have tried many times to put it somewhere else... out of Macey's grasp, but it always finds its way back to the front room... where we see her everyday. Strangely, it's the only thing Macey does not throw down on the ground.

Happy Birthday Lori!

I love and miss you!!


In one of my childhood development classes that I took at BYU my professor said that typically, children don't remember much until about the age of 4. I remember he asked us to raise our hands if we all remembered something in our lives when we were 5. Most of us did. Then he asked 4, still quite a few hands up. Then 3, almost all of the hands went down except for me and a few others. Then he asked age 2, I was the only hand up. I believe that I have these vivid memories of my sweet sister for a reason.

When my Mom was dying I believe it was a little easier letting her go knowing that she had a daughter on the other side that she desperately wanted to see. And I know Lori was there anxiously waiting with open arms. I often think about what those two are doing together. Busy working, no doubt. Finally reunited. I think of that moment a lot and wonder what it was like for both of them, how much joy there was. Now with that picture in the front room of Lori is also a picture of my Mom. It will always be in plain sight. They are still very much a part of our family. Not a day goes by when I don't think about them.

Sometimes I get caught up in the "what ifs" but need to remind myself that this was the plan. It is His will. I am so grateful for my knowledge of the Gospel and knowing that I can be reunited with my sister and Mother once again. I love the saying "Because someone we love is in heaven, we feel heaven in our home". Our family is so blessed to have two angels on the other side, doing all they can do to ensure ours is an eternal family.

 Lori and me in the "Rainbow Room".

Happy Birthday, Sis!