In other news...

Macey got mad at me yesterday while I was doing a pretty good job ignoring her. She was asking me to do something weird with some car. Like, put some scrunched up paper through the toy car's windows. I was ignoring her repeat her request when she grabbed my face and calmly (but sternly) said, "Mommy. Will you PLEASE put this paper into this VEHICLE!" Oh my, I didn't know whether to laugh or be scared. She was not joking around.

Also, it is official. I'm married to an educated man. Randy took his last final on Friday. Thank you, BYU! I don't know what I'll do now. BYU campus has been a part of my everyday life for the past 6.5 years. Way too long to be associating with the Zoobies if ya know what I mean. And if you ever went to BYU, you know what I mean. So to the over achieving 4.0 Zoobies of Brigham Young- I say see ya lata, suckas!! C's and D's get degrees! Let the great job hunt of 2009/2010 begin. I told him he needs to start practicing his "Welcome to Walmart!" HA. I promise I really am an encouraging supportive wife. And he didn't get all C's and D's. :)

And lastly, did you know Christmas is in 3 days!? I know, because every morning Macey asks me in a reverent voice if it's Christmas Eve yet.

2 years.

Honestly, I was hoping for the 2nd year marker without my Mom to come and go without much pain.I'm tired of hurting. Of course, that did not happen. The emotions I feel are still very raw and tender, especially around this time of year. But along with the feelings of sadness and loss, I also feel happy and relieved. It took me a while to get to the point where I am actually happy for my Mom. My sweet sister gave me and my other sisters a Willow Tree statuette of a woman raising both of her arms in victory, as if she had just come in first from a race. She told us "because that's how I picture Mom and Lori {my oldest sister that died from cancer, too} reacted when they reached the other side." I put that ornament by pictures I have of my Mom and Lori in my front room and love to look at them and think how right on Natalie was.I bet that's exactly what they did. Not only are they free from the awful diseases that riddled their bodies, but they are free of pain from this temporal world.

At first it was all about me. How can I possibly handle this? I miss Mom so much. I lost my best friend. My children lost an amazing grandmother. Will I ever feel normal again? Etc. One of my good friends  (who also lost her Mom at a young age) from my old ward wrote me a beautiful letter after Mom passed away and she told me something that I will never forget. She said "just remember that the pain is ours, they are very happy where they are at". The pain is ours. At the time I thought yeah, no kidding the pain is ours-- and I couldn't get much past that. Now that I am starting to know how to deal with the loss, I am able to look past it and actually be happy for my Mom.. I can only imagine all the good that she is doing on the other side. She hated being pretty much confined to her recliner and bed that last little while... I am sure that she is more than making up for that now.

I used to agonize over Macey and recently Collin. They won't know their Grandma Judy. Their Grandma Judy won't know them! I can now see that I was very wrong on both accounts. Grandma Judy definitely knows my kids, very well. I also realized that I was only 2 when my sister died, but over the years it feels as if we've grown closer. I am sure my kids will feel the same way with their Grandma. I know I feel the same way about her, too. Even though she is physically gone, I feel like she is still very much around and my relationship with her is still growing. It just stinks that she's not here for me to call everyday and talk to. Since she's been gone, there have been some very close calls in our family where we were so lucky that everything turned out to be ok. I always wonder if Mom had a part in that. Then I think of course she did, it's MOM! =)

This second year has definitely been different than the 1st year. I am able to see and feel more than the constant feeling of loss, and for that I am so grateful. I definitely still have bad days, but I'm sure that will be the case for many years. It's a learning process. So today while I am remembering my mother, I'm trying not to focus on what we lost, but what our family gained... another angel who will do anything to see our family succeed. I am so lucky to belong to such an amazing family. I love you, Mom! Merry Christmas!!

Christmas Card.

Merry Christmas, y'all! I hope you are all enjoying being with your loved ones this holiday season! If stamps weren't like, a million dollars... I would send you all this card! But this year you will have to enjoy my craftiness and cute kids (and hubbs) from your computer screen. Yes, I digi-scrapped the card myself. That's right, I know some stuff! :) 

Traditions.

Every Christmas Season we buy a new nutcracker. Randy's family did that when he was a little kid and he loved it, so we started it when we got married. Macey now loves it (we went to The Nutcracker ballet in Logan so now she is obsessed) and reminded us that we needed to go out and buy a nutcracker to put in our tree. We found this little guy at Dollar Tree. Score! The trick is getting Macey to leave him alone since he's littler than our other nutcrackers she thinks he's a doll. Oh well, if he breaks he was a dollar, right?

We had a fun time decorating the tree with our nutcrackers, and even more fun setting up and playing with the train! Look how huge Collin's eyes are in these pics... he was hilarious!!

{1st time de-railing the train.... not the last. We actually gave up on putting it back on the tracks.}

 

{Macey loves running along with it and singing the music it plays}

We've been enjoying our family time together. One of my favorite things to do is get out the Christmas Decorations and go to town while I sing to my Crooner's Christmas cd! So just for good measure... here is a picture of my tree this year. Yep, still rockin' the colored lights and loving it. :)

Another tradition we have is each kid gets their own little tree in their room. Here is Macey's. I think I'm going to wait a year (or two) to put one in Collin's room. He regularly crawls (army style) into Macey's room just to knock over her tree, I'm pretty sure. :)

Ironic.

Today's Sunday school lesson was on language and how important it is to set a good example for your kids. I have to admit, I was a little uncomfortable and kept looking at Randy, like "how does he know?"

I felt this way because just last week when we were parking in a store parking lot, Macey yelled "I'm PISSED! I'm pissed at store!!" She really didn't want to go to that store. :)

Lesson learned, point taken. Randy, you really need to be better with your language. ;)

Macey's Mini Feast.

Macey's pre-school had a mini feast today in honor of Thanksgiving. She has been looking forward to it for SO LONG! Each child was supposed to bring a finger food. We were told to 'get creative'.... so I made these babies. They turned out to be so cute! After we got them all ready to go Macey requested that she wear a "long dress" to school. How could I say no to that? Here she is cheesing it up, waiting for carpool!

She came home with a white piece of felt around her neck and a white hat. She got to be a pilgrim! How cute is that!? I tried to get a picture of her but she was too fast. By the time I retrieved the camera from downstairs she had already changed into her pajamas. :)

Bawl baby.

So Macey came home from preschool on Thursday with a cute piece of paper that had her hand print on it and a poem. She asked me "what it says", so I read it to her..... and while I was reading it I started CRYING!! She looked at me like, what in the crap is wrong with you? It's just a hand!! It totally reminded me of when my Mom would read a story out of The New Era or The Ensign to me. She would almost always cry... and I would always roll my eyes. Funny how things come around full circle, huh?

I still can't even read it without tearing up. I decided I don't want my baby girl to grow up anymore.